A change of pace, fun times in the Magic Kingdom

After too much nature, peace and quiet, we decided that a day of indulgence was in order at America's happiest place, also known as the Magic Kingdom; a place where grown men and women walk around with Mickey Mouse ears on their heads and no one makes fun of you for sitting in a mechanical cart promenading past mechanical pirates. To complete the experience we booked in at Coronado Springs Resort, one of Disney's many themed hotels that are within the extensive bounds of the Disney World complex.

We didn't choose but were assigned the faux-Spanish/Mayan theme of the resort we were assigned - I'm guessing that it is perhaps one of the less popular venues, perhaps as it doesn't fulfil a core fantasy for too much of the audience at the park. Not having visited the on-site archaeological dig re-creation/pool and bar, we perhaps can't fully judge how appealing or historically accurate the illusion presented at the resort is, but I do have to say that what we did see was pretty lame. For over $200 a night, I was expecting something more than a slightly beat up hotel room with some pastel paint, a pool that probably contained too much kiddie urine and a complete lack of internet access (that even a $50 a night roadside motel is able to provide anywhere else in the country).

But the hotel isn't the main story at Disney World, it's the park and rides, right? Only having one day, we chose the Magic Kingdom, the most iconic of the four sites within the mega-complex. Initial impressions did not disappoint: the wide avenue through the creepy "Main St USA" set leading to the Fantasia Castle set, obese men hugging and posing for photos with Minnie Mouse, screaming children times a thousand and a general air of determined enjoyment by all despite multi-hour waits for rides and desperate grabs for cash from vendors and sidewalk peddlers of all kinds.

Wearing her glamorous cowboy boots, Suzi attracted attention from a bevy of males again, including the "Mayor", who insisted on posing for a photo with her. On finding out that we were from Australia, we prepared ourselves for the usual "I've always wanted to go there" story, but were pleasantly surprised by an anecdote from his actual trip to down under several years before. It concerned a pair of gold satin shoes that he chose to wear and the word "poofta" - one we didn't expect to hear in the sanitised Disney kingdom.

Having signed up for the Splash Mountain ride, we wandered off clutching our tickets that allowed us to return in an hour and half, a clever idea that saves one from waiting in line for that time. We were surprised to find that there was no such line for the Pirates of Caribbean ride, an old favourite that we were all keen to re-experience. Unfortunately, despite the substitution of Johnny Depp animatronic models for some of the previously anonymous pirates, our combined opinion was that the Florida version of the ride is considerably less cool that the Californian version, perhaps explaining the relative lack of a crowd queueing for it.

Next on our itinerary was the Haunted House, a considerably more interesting ride than Pirates, whose highlights were both the holographic ghosts, particularly the one projected onto Suzi, as well as the person who screamed out "DON'T TOUCH ME" at the top of their lungs when the lights went out. Props are also due to the "cast" who scurried out from their emergency access points to pour chemicals on the pile of vomit at the exit and quickly erect barriers that prevented any of the happy guests from a spew-related intrusion into their enjoyment of the day.

Disney World is a fantasy; the world reduced and sanitised for clean and safe enjoyment. But I found it completely uninspiring compared to the very real and very beautiful Wakulla Springs that we had just visited or the Everglades that we were heading towards. I'm sure it has something very profund to say about the human condition, but I'm quite sure what it is.

Leaving the carefully manicured grounds of the Magic Kingdom, we decided to skip our intended destination of Sanibel Island and make a dash for Miami in order to give ourselves a bit more time for the Keys and Everglades. For the first time, we checked into a hotel on the backpacking circuit complete with the usual complement of Germans and assorted Scandinavians that one finds in these joints. But it was actually a pretty decent place so long as you kept the windows shut to keep out the ravenous Florida mosquitoes.

Suzi and Shellie promenaded around the Art Deco district while I retired to the beach for a swim. I was disappointed in the usual lukewarm and flat Florida water as well as the amount of flab and fake tans on show (I was expecting better from South Beach). But the Mojitos we had at the local Cuban bar were very good and the raw sugar-cane a nice complement.

From Miami, we then raced down the Keys, but only made it as far as Marathon (about half way down) before we decided to turn around and head for our new base in Florida City. They early part of they keys are pretty much what you would expect if you tried to fit a strip mall on a narrow strip of linked islands. But the occasional view over the turquoise waters of the Atlantic or Gulf of Mexico do a lot to remedy the succession of chain restaurant signs.



Our Florida City motel was another first: this time the first single level classical motel where we pulled our car up in front of our room. The room itself, while perfectly clean and adequately sized suffered from the excessive humidity (currently running at 100%) and smelt a bit like a dog that had been too long between baths. But it was a perfect base for our trip to the Everglades that we made the next day.

Suzi has already spilled the beans on the Everglades. It only remains to say that we stopped at the famous fruit stand on the turn-off to the park for a delicious breakfast of local fruit including mamey sapote (tastes weirdly like pumpkin pie filling), mango and fresh coconut water. And that on the way out, we cooled down with a key lime milkshake.

Next up: Asheville and Charleston.